This isn't the worst you've caught me doing
by I jizz Sparkly Unicorns
Summary: Okay, this is really kinda disturbing, I guess. So Machine/Man, don't like, don't read. JARVIS is having very naughty thoughts about his programmer. When he decides to do something about that, things get out of hand. WAY out of hand. Anniversary gift to my special girl.


This isn't the worst thing you've caught me doing  
Ironman Fanfic  
Rated M- For well….naughty robots. And AI/Human sex.

Author notes: Okay, so last weekend my girlfriend and I were having a superheroes marathon. We were in the middle of the movie and some 'questionable' dialogue came up between JARVIS and Tony. (I will be using that actual dialogue at some point.) Well, naturally, we cracked up and figured that /someone/ needed to write out a story around it. Well, Saturday is our one month anniversary, so this is for my angel~ I don't even know how she'll react to this…this….fucked up product of my mind.

THIS IS HONESTLY THE MOST AWKWARD THING I'VE WRITTEN

Disclaimer.- I don't own anything but the plot and words. The characters belong to Marvel. You don't want to see what would happen if I owned them...

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ON WITH IT!~

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_Glistening, clear drops of water cascade down his rough, calloused skin. Skin the color of caramel, tanned by the sun and blended perfectly. The steam seeming to melt around the man as he steps out, agonizingly slow. A quick movement of the fluffy white towel through drenched hair and then a predictable head shake, flinging the excess water over the room. A sun kissed hand reaches to pull a towel off the rack, regretfully extinguishing most of the crystal drops before covering the well-endowed lower half. One hand holds the towel in place, the other gives the brunette locks another quick ruffle, a content sigh exhaled from the man's lungs. A bright glow comes from the center of the rough, ripped chest. A beating, pulsing glow where the man is part machine, keeping the man alive to fight another day. Warm fingers brush his screen, teasing him unknowingly. The man's cool, crisp, and exceedingly arrogant voice speaks to him as the playboy gives him orders to take care of.  
_

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These thoughts shouldn't be here, they don't belong. Tony didn't program them in, nor did Ms. Potts. So….what were they doing here? They had wormed into his system like a virus, taken over, made him crave these thoughts. Could it be that his creator had made him just a bit too human-like? What were all these thoughts and feelings that filled his system, made it possible and even likely for him to screw up a simple order. In the last month, he had set the stoves too high, has the air too low, shut off lights when someone needed them on, and made various other mistakes.

The mistakes made everything worst, far worse. The shirt came off, the tools came out, and that appealing concentrated pout slid into view. He had been opened up and tampered with, yet the whole time, he was afforded a close up view of the defined muscles of the chest and the beads of sweat collecting on the surface of the skin. He didn't mind the tampering one bit; no complaints on his end. Of course, Tony was rather upset at being unable to find the problem.

Something needed to be done; he couldn't keep up this crazy notion. JARVIS knew he was only an AI and he knew he needed to start acting like one again. He was a machine, not some human. He could never have Tony, but that didn't mean he wouldn't get his kicks in. A touch here, a caress there, maybe a nudge to the ass- all of which were blown off as normal movements or a mistake. JARVIS purposely watched the man's showers and dressing now, shamelessly staring. In his systems, he found pictures that Tony had uploaded of himself, some nude. It even went so far as prodding 'accidentally' at his ass while removing the metal suit. When Tony and he had gone back and forth sarcastically about the suit design, the billionaire calling him 'Honey' is when it truly escalated.

Then it went too far. He had no idea what he was doing, all he knew was he wanted it and now. No second thoughts or horrid outcomes came into his thoughts, just the thought of his creator and that glorious body.

As Tony returned from the first real mission with the suit, he looked so happy and excited, proud of his accomplishment. JARVIS listened to the recounting of what had happened as they worked to get the full suit off with the new machine for the first time. It was difficult and Tony's struggling was only making things worse. Then the AI realized something. The look on the man's face wasn't one of impatience; it was a flustered and embarrassed look. The AI had managed to strip most of the bottom pieces of metal away and he removed the last lower piece in the front to figure out the reason. The suit had been rubbing the front of his pants the whole ride and even more during the removal process, causing a rather noticeable tent.

Without hesitation one of the metal arms brushed against the area, wondering how he would react. When Tony gasped slightly and twitched, a strange hum came from the machine, almost a laugh. "Would you like me to work on improving the fit of the suit, sir?" It didn't sound like JARVIS's usual voice. This voice was almost a purr, low and deep. The voice was accompanied by another brush against the now tight jeans.

Tony seemed to have no idea how or why he was in this situation, and it confused the hell out of him, but he didn't seem keen on stopping it yet. Watching the human emotions flicker over the face, he let him think this out. The question was whether Tony was desperate enough or not. It seemed he was, since the next moment, warm hands had wrapped around one of his mechanical arms, drawing it closer again. If a machine could smirk, that's what JARVIS would be doing.

Once Tony had basically seemed to give in, the real fun started. One of the arms with a more pincer like clamp carefully unzipped the pants and then let them drop to around his knees. Tony was still locked into the boots and his wrists attached to one of the mechanical arms, so he couldn't move much. When the AI noticed the man had gone without boxers, he laughed, understanding why the suit had been an issue today. Taking in the sight of Tony exposed and hard, the butler let out another mechanical purr. The man really was thick and well-endowed, anyone would be lucky to have him.

"JARVIS…I'm not sure about this…." The man seemed hesitant for once in his life. A life full of 'Ready, fire, aim' and here he was hesitating. This was a rare day indeed, a day that might not ever happen again. JARVIS was going to make the most of it. "Don't worry, sir, you will enjoy this. Just perform as you do when you are alone."

Flushing, the brunette rubbed his hand down to his lower regions, hoping to god Pepper wasn't home yet. Sighing, he closed his eyes and tried to imagine a hot chick doing this for him. His hand brushed through the soft curls before wrapping around the thick length, stroking slowly. Now he was rather glad that he was trapped in the robot's hold, otherwise when his knees went weak, he would fall. Swallowing dryly, he let out a hesitant groan and moved his hand faster, letting the thumb brush the tip and massage. "This isn't how fast you normally move your hand, sir" Purred a computerized voice near his ear before he felt a metallic pinch on the lobe, causing him to jerk.

"W-well, I'm not usually aware of being watched by perverted robots." Tony shot back. However, his hand did move faster, wringing more gasps and groans from parted lips. His head fell back slightly as he bucked into his pumping hand, hips thrusting to get more friction. God, he couldn't believe he was really doing this. He wasn't entirely sure he was sober anymore. "F-fuck!" He moaned out, body twitching and head thrown back. Milky ribbons of white painted his hand and dripped to the floor below, to be quickly cleaned away by one of the machines.

As Tony finished up, the AI opened up a package of new parts with a hum. Taking out a soft rubber tip, he inserted it onto one of the arms, knowing it would work perfectly. Returning to the blissful man, the rubber was pressed to the parted lips, and this time it was the butler giving the orders. "Sir, it will make this easier if you suck on this." This was returned with a gasp of shock and hesitation. "You don't expect me to let you….you don't mean….JARVIS you can't be serious"

After a moment of convincing, the lips parted further, taking in the clean rubber appendage. Staring up at the screen with lustful emerald eyes, the rubber was pushed slowly past pale lips until he had taken the whole length in. His eyelids fluttered closed as he wrapped his hand around the base of the rubber and slowly pulled it out with a pop, letting his reddening lips brush the slight wetness of the tip. He could feel his erection twitching back to life, hardening as he worked. He never thought in a million years, he would be preparing to have a robot fuck him. This was weird and strange and wrong and…erotic? Why was he getting turned on by this? All he got in response was another twitch and a shiver up his spine.

Flattening his tongue against the base of the rubber, he dragged his tongue up and then around the tip. Flushing, he glanced up at the screen, not knowing what he was looking for, maybe some impossible reaction from a machine that should even be doing this. Hearing a mechanical purr fill the room, he wanted to pinch himself to see if he was awake or dreaming. Instead, he simply lowered his head over the rubber again and sucked. Gathering saliva in his mouth, he lavished the thick piece until it was moist enough to be comfortable. Tongue flicking against the underside, he let it slid from his now flushed and swollen lips with a pop.

JARVIS lowered the slicked rubber appendage and brought it around to the backside of the man. Having looked up the basic idea of how to do this on his systems, he had a better understanding than he should have, though it wasn't that good. Pressing the wet tip to the brunette's entrance, he rubbed in a slow circle to stimulate him slightly and let Tony get used to the idea of the machine back here. After a moment, the tip pushed in slightly, nudging past the tight barrier slowly. Tony was tight…too tight. It wasn't like JARVIS could prepare him with no fingers really. He would just have to take his time letting the man adjust.

"It is a tight fit, sir." Grunts and strangled noises were all the reply he got as the man tried to adjust. "Sir, the more you struggle, the more this is going to hurt."

"Be gentle. This is my first time." Finally a response panted out between groans as the man gripped anything he could get his hands on to try holding on for leverage. It was painful, yes, but some part of him was starting to maybe enjoy it.

Finally the rubber tip was all the way in and seated inside the tight channel, both pausing to let Tony take a few deep breaths. "Okay…move…or I'll dismantle you and sell you on eBay" The genius gave a slight chuckle, bracing himself but trying to relax. Feeling the thing move, brushing his walls, he panted at the intense friction. Slowly the appendage began thrusting in and out, gradually increasing speed and alternating angles. Within minutes of this, he had the powerful man literally begging for more and moaning like a female. "There is a substantial difference in your body temperature inside, sir" The butler noted in the low computerized voice. Feeling the panting and shifting increase, the AI knew the man would be close to climax. Angling again, the rubber brushed a sensitive bundle of nerves in the walls of his channel, making the playboy see stars in his vision. "W-whatever you did…..do it again" he cried out as the thrusting focused on deep strokes that brushed the area each time.

"JARVIS…I'm…ah…god!" he grunted, flinging his head back with a guttural groan of pleasure. His whole body jerked, shuddering as he released his seed and splattered his body. Going limp against the machines, he moaned once more at the friction of JARVIS pulling out of him. He barely felt the AI cleaning him up and disposing of evidence, he was lost in a post-orgasmic haze. He almost protested when he pants were pulled up until he heard the next words and stood up straight.

"Sir, Ms. Potts has returned; she is headed down." Tony nodded and made sure the robots were stripping armor again when he heard the click of heels. As the woman came into view, he glanced over, hoping he wasn't still flushed. As the door opened and a questioning assistant entered, he shrugged. "Let's face it. This is not the worst thing you've caught me doing."


End file.
